You may or may not have heard but Apple Inc. made a fairly poor, perhaps even Douche-like, decision recently.
Steve Jobs and Company somehow let an App known as "Baby Shaker" show up in their iPhone App store. As one can probably assume by the name, the ultimate goal of the game is to shake every baby one encounters straight to hell. Because who doesn't want to kill some babies?
This strikes me as a questionable decision by Apple to say the least. I mean they had to know that any game ending in infanticide was probably a tough sell to the public.
But Apple is not my nominee for Biggest Douche in the Universe. No, the real Nominee for Immortal Douchehood in this story are the Douches that came out in opposition to Apple.
Surely, voicing one's opposition to Babyshaking is not an inherently hateful idea. As a matter of fact, I would like to do so now: I don't think you should shake babies. But what sets me apart from Douches (at least in this case) is that I also do not believe that Apple wants you to shake babies.
"But Alec, surely no one was suggesting that Apple was condoning these actions," you say.
"Well, Dear Reader, some one did suggest that Apple was condoning these actions...and this person is a douche," I say.
According to Daniel Ionescu (who is flirting with Douchedom for having such a difficult last name) of PC World "children advocacy groups" have charged that by including the game in its App store, Apple is saying that QUOTE: "killing babies is acceptable." UNQUOTE
Apple Inc. is one of the largest corporate entities on Planet Earth. And even if this corporate entity isn't always inherently decent...it isn't brain dead. I am going to go out on a limb here and speak for Apple when I say that Steve Jobs doesn't want you to kill babies. Babies become adults. Adults become Mac-users. Why would Steve Jobs shake those babies?
But in the world of a Douche, I guess it only makes sense that video-games turn people into demented Babyshakers. Never mind the fact that people insane enough to shake babies probably don't spend much time plugged into technology. And if video-games had that much of an impact on are actions anyway, there would be a lot more fat plumbers trying to rescue princesses.
And "child advocacy groups?" Aren't those just called "parents."
So it is for ignorantly railing against images on an iPhone in a Douche-like manner that I nominate Anti-babyshakers for Biggest Douche in the Universe 2009.
Makes me so mad I want to shake a baby.