Nominee #2: Slumdad

So you have the most adorable daughter in the world who acted in a movie that is only a few months removed from winning 7 Oscars including Best Picture...what do you do next?

Most people would answer "live happily ever-after in basking in the glow of said daughter's adorableness." But a Douche would answer "try to sell said daughter for $300,000."

Rafiq Quereshi faced this moral quandry recently and how do you think he answered? Well, since you are currently reading the Biggest Douche in the Universe blog, it would be fair bet that Rafiq took the Douche route. And yes, that's what he did. Earlier this month news broke that Rafiq Quereshi attempted to sell his 8-year-old daughter Rubina, who had appeared as the child version of Latika in Slumdog Millionaire.

Of course, Indian police have now cleared Mr. Quereshi of any wrong-doing. But if there is one thing I know about Indian police based on the one movie I saw about India directed and written by British dudes, it is this: Indian police aren't good at their jobs.

It is because of that knowledge and the fact that it is far more convenient for the purpose of this blog that I am operating under the knowledge that Rafiq tried to sell his daughter.

What a Douche.

I mean seriously, look at this little girl. She is literally the most adorable creature on the planet. For all we know her smile could be the cure for cancer, terrorism and Major League Baseball's steroid issue.

I am the world's preeminent experts on Pessimism and even I believe that this little shining beacon of cuteness is priceless. 

So fuck you, Rafiq! How dare you try to sell your daughter...and for only $300,000. It is a good thing that the British tabloids (another sign of this story's legitimacy) outed you so quickly because you would have felt like such an ass when you sold her for 300K and then some one flipped her to me for $185 million. No, I don't have that kind of money but I am sure the federal government would have kicked in some cash for me if I promised to let them use her to find a cure for the "Frowny-downy days."

It is with great relish that I nominate Rafiq Quresh for Excellence in Douche-like Parenting/Poor Business Transactions. May he remember this nomination the next time he decides to let British tabloids make base-less accusations about him.

And one more thing: "Laaatikaaaaaaaaa!"